Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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