It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
