Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
