You can't motorboat a personality
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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