also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
