hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
