her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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