Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
