Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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