I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
