Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
