it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
