He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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