Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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