My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
