Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
