eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
