theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
