Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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