ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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