Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
