Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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