Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
