check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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