I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
