i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
