I CAN MOONWALK!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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