My Higher Power is John Stamos
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
