Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
