This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
