Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
