Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
