if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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