I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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