I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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