wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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