Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
