We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize