Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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