Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
