I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
