Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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