Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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