you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
