i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
