ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
