im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
