There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish you could order shots online.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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