I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your cock deserves a montage
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
