i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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