Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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