she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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