naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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