And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
