i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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