I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
