Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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