I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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