I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
