i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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