they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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